i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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