I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
