I just saw a hot homeless man
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
