I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
