wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
