Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
