ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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