i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
