he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize