how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
