She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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