yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
