Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
