I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
