A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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