Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
