They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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