Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
