that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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