I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize