so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And then my night got REAL pukey
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
