Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
