So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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