dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
