Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
