better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
