What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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