Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
