I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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