omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
