I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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