he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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