She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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