I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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