I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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