There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
