I don't usually arrange sex via text message
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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