This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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