eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
