Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
