this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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