I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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