i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
