When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize