Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize