i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
