K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
