I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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