don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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