i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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