I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
