I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
