I'm going to jail i love you
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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