You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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