yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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