Banned from zoo.
Again?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My dick has a subreddit
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
