Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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