I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
