dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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