You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
