the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
