why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
