wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
That reminds me...we need to get swords
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize