well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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