a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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