I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize