I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
