Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
