I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
