Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
