no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you inspire me to be a worse person
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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