The best revenge is premature balding
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
