I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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